


Lake Helevorn

by silvertrails



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-11 04:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10454772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: A few scenes in Thargelion, written for the Green Path of the gameboard (B2MeM 2017)





	1. Chapter 1

**Lake Helevorn  
By CC  
March, 2017**

The Valar, Maiar, Elves, Dwarves, and Men belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit made and no harm intended. I’m just playing with them for a little while. 

This was written for the SWG B2MeM 2017, with the green path from the game board.

* * *

_“It was the possibility of darkness that made the day seem so bright.”_

_Stephen King_

 

Aikánaro had come to Lake Helevorn. Carnistir could not believe that his cousin had ridden all the way from Dorthonion just to yell at him. They had parted ways in Tirion, and they had argued incessantly while in Lake Mithrim.

“You cannot put a tax on every trading party that passes through your lands!”

“Actually, I can, Aikánaro.”

“We are on the verge of war and all you can think of is money?”

Carnistir frowned. “We are on the verge of war, and I must protect my people. I don’t go around forcing the Secondborn to join my army.”

“We do not force them! They come to us for protection. You know why they need our protection!”

“You could have followed your dear father and return to Tirion.”

Aikánaro advanced menacingly. “Don’t you dare speak ill of my father!”

Carnistir stood his ground, fighting the urge to silence Aikánaro with a kiss. It had happened in Tirion, and again in Lake Mithrim. It could not happen again.

“Just go back to Angaráto, cousin. I don’t want him to blame me if something happens to you on the way to Dorthonion.”

Aikánaro’s face was flushed with anger. “You are impossible! I could---”

“Is everything all right, my Lord?”

Aikánaro moved away, and Carnistir looked at his counselor. Brellas appeared to be calm and collected, but his eyes burned with anger.

“Everything is fine, Brellas.”

Brellas stood there for a moment, and after a stiff bow, left. Aikánaro looked at him with burning eyes. 

“I didn’t know you needed protection, cousin.”

“Brellas is my counselor. It makes my relationships with the Sindar easier.”

And Brellas was a mystery that Carnistir had yet to understand, but he was not going to tell Aikánaro about this. He needn’t do it anyway. They were no longer lovers. 

“I see.”

Carnistir had believed that Aikánaro would say something different, question his motives, try to find something wrong in his actions, but he did not.

“Aiko, we should not be fighting. If my taxes are a problem, I can lower them, but understand that I cannot do without them.”

Blue eyes looked at him with something akin to longing, and sadness. “You are right, Moryo. We must fight this darkness together.”

“Come inside and have some food and wine, cousin. You can spend the night here if you wish. We are on the verge of war, but we are also at peace. Let us enjoy it while it’s possible.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Animals_

Ambarussa, both of them, came to Thargelion two days later. They had been hunting for game, and decided to share some of it with Carnistir. He was glad to see them, and they shared the meat and wine with Brellas and Carnistir’s staff. Now they were sitting together in a terrace looking over the lake. The sun was slowly going down, playing with shadows and light as Arien guided it toward the West. 

The twins looked better, Carnistir mused. Telufinwë was calmer, though he still looked at any fire carefully, as if making sure it was safe. His now short hair made him look very young, and he looked a little distracted at times. Pityafinwë expression was haunted whenever he thought nobody was looking at him. 

Carnistir didn’t dare to reach to their minds without permission. His gift was stronger, but the twins were too fragile right now. He would have to visit them in Estolad sometime. He needed to make sure that they were doing well.

“So you left Laeglas in charge?”

Pityafinwë tensed. “He is perfectly able to take care of everything while we are here.”

“I never said he wasn’t, Pityo. He was of great help while we were in Lake Mithrim.”

_He helped you to keep yourself together._

“He knows what we did in Alqualondë,” Pityo added. “We have agreed to work together, though. He will not go back home.”

So they were no longer lovers, if they ever reached that point. Carnistir nodded and looked at Telufinwë, who was petting one of the puppies that had been born in Thargelion. Carnistir liked this one. 

Telufinwë looked at Carnistir and smiled. “He reminds me of the puppies in Lord Oromë’s dwelling. They were bigger and stronger, but this little one seems determined to live a good life.”

“And what about you, Telvo?” Carnistir asked. “Are you living a good life?” 

Telufinwë froze.

“Was that necessary, Moryo?” Pityafinwë exclaimed.

“Yes, it was, Pityo. What about you? What is the matter with you two?”

Telufinwë looked away. “We are fine, Moryo.”

“Listen, Telvo, Pityo, I can see that you are not fine. None of us can be fine after what happened in Alqualondë, and Losgar. If you don’t want to speak to me, then speak with each other. I can feel how tightly closed your minds are. I can deal with it, but you two need each other.”

“It’s not easy, Moryo,” Pityafinwë said. “Telvo has nightmares, and that Maia, Helwanar lurks in the darkness.”

This was dangerous!

“Have you seen him?”

“He is there,” Telufinwë said. “I can feel him, but he means no harm. He will leave if I ask him to do it.”

“Then ask him!”

Pityo sighed. “Telvo needs him.”

‘More than he needs me’ was probably what Pityafinwë meant. Carnistir wished that he could keep the twins in Thargelion, but they were safer in Estolad.

“You are not whole without the other,” he said. “You can love or need other’s presence, but you need each other more.”

“And you, Moryo,” Pityo asked. “Do you not feel alone here? I heard that Aiko came. Did you two have a fight?”

Carnistir vowed to find whoever had told Pityafinwë about Aikánaro’s visit. 

“We argued, and he left. There is nothing for you to worry about.”

“You have Brellas now,” Telufinwë said, letting go of the puppy. The small hound came to rest at Carnistir’s feet.

“Brellas is my counselor and a good friend.”

“Maybe now,” Telufinwë said, “but he cares for you.”

Pityafinwë nodded. “Do not push him away, Moryo. Whatever happened with Aiko, you two are no longer together. Give yourself a chance to heal.”

Carnistir said nothing, but picked the puppy and placed it on his lap. They might be right, but he could not try to understand what Brellas meant to him until he was certain that he no longer loved Aikánaro. The twins were right in something. Healing was not easy.


	3. Chapter 3

_Lost and found._

The twins stayed for seven days, and though they were not back to normal when they left, Carnistir could sense that they were back to communicating with each other through their mental link. It was a start, and a good thing. He would visit them in Estolad anyway. He wanted to make sure that Helwanar was not around. 

“Caranthir?”

Brellas was the only one who called him by his Sindarin name, and Carnistir was starting to get used to it. Brellas was learning Quenya, but they communicated mainly in Sindarin.

“What is it, Brellas?”

“You look troubled.”

“I’m merely worried for my brothers.”

They were standing together outside Carnistir’s dwelling, and though the days were still warm, a cool wind rose from the lake. Brellas was shivering, so Carnistir motioned for them to walk around, away from the lake. They reached a small garden, where children would play during the day. It was night, and lovers searching for each other never came to this particular place. Carnistir did when he wanted to think and not be easily found. It reminded him of Tyelkormo, who used to speak with the birds, and of Makalaurë, who used to sing along with them.

 

“They look so young, and yet their eyes are as old as yours.”

Carnistir nodded. “Mother wanted them to stay in Tirion, but Father didn’t allow it. They took the Oath, but looking at them now I don’t think they understood what it meant.”

“Did you?”

“Not really, but I was old enough to know it would be hard. I was not aware that we would have to… Do everything we did.”

“I spoke with Amrod… the one you call Pityafinwë. He asked questions about many things, the realm, the Dwarves, you.”

“Did you tell Pityo that Aiko came?”

Brellas nodded. “I believed it necessary.”

Carnistir looked at Brellas, and saw something hidden in his eyes. They were friends now, but the kinslaying would always prevent their friendship to develop normally. Either way, Brellas cared for him.

_And as always, he doesn’t care if I agree with his actions or not._

“I am fine. Aiko… We were lovers in Tirion, but that ended when I took the Oath. He is my cousin, anyway. Maybe it was for the best.”

Brellas seemed to think about it for a moment, and then spoke, his eyes fixed on some faraway point. “Love is love, Caranthir. If you still love him… I mean not to tell you what to do. It’s not my place. All I want to say is that.” He sighed, and fell silent.

“I don’t know if I still love him. No, I know that I love him, but I’m not one to hope for things that already ended. I have seen love strong enough to overcome this terrible thing that we did.”

“Did your cousin also...?”

“No.”

“Then maybe that is why he cannot understand.”

Carnistir looked at Brellas. “The same way you cannot understand or forgive.”

Brellas looked at him. “It is not the same,” he said, and before Carnistir could react, he left the garden.

Carnistir sat under a tree, thinking of Aikánaro, of Brellas, of everything that had happened since the moment he took the Oath. His father was dead, his mother unreachable in Tirion. His whole world was different now, and he still felt lost, but one day he would find himself again.


	4. Chapter 4

_“We go, we go, we go to war, to hew the stone and break the door; for bole and bough are burning now, the furnace roars-- we go to war!”_

_JRR Tolkien, The Two Towers_

Carnistir was dreaming that he was Finwe’s garden, practicing how to move small stones with his mind. Aikánaro had come, along with Angaráto, both still small boys. In a way, Carnistir was aware that he was dreaming of something that happened in Tirion long ago. 

Aikánaro had reached for his mind… 

The dream changed all of a sudden. Now Aikánaro was of age and determined to get Carnistir’s attention. They were in the same garden, and Aikánaro demanded that Carnistir did not bond with Airamaril. 

They had become lovers a year later, and whenever they joined in body, their minds merged and enhanced the pleasure. Their mental link was strong, but they never asked Varda for her blessing. They did not know if it was possible, and they feared their parents would separate them, as Fëanáro and Nolofinwë had done with Maitimo and Findekáno. 

Carnistir tried to wake, unwilling to allow these memories to bring back his pain. He usually controlled his dreams, but this one was pulling him in, loosening his control of the images.

Fëanáro pulled a sword at Nolofinwë. Arafinwë was there, and so was Finwë. He saw Carnistir; but he had been at home when this happened, so why was his grandfather looking t him? Carnistir ran away, looking for Aikánaro. 

They argued, took sides, parted “forever”, only to seek each other after Finwë’s terrible death. Aikánaro shared Carnistir’s pain, and the soothed each other through their link. 

Then Carnistir was taking the Oath, and again Finwë was there looking at him. Aikánaro was gone. 

Alqualondë, the fight, the blood spilled to take the boats. The horror of Nolofinwë and his children, the contempt of Aikánaro. 

The betrayal at Losgar, and the coming of the host of Nolofinwë to Lake Mithrim. The images came in quick succession and Carnistir finally lost himself in his nightmare.

He was standing in front of a dead land, and Aikánaro was there with him. 

“Your father left us to die!”

“My father never trusted yours!”

“Don’t you dare speak ill about my father, Carnistir! He tried to keep the peace between Fëanáro and Nolofinwë!”

Carnistir shrugged. “He failed.”

Aikánaro clenched his fists. “Your father failed!”

Carnistir grabbed Aikánaro’s tunic. “My father is dead, while yours is warm and safe, cowering under Varda’s skirts!”

Aikánaro hit him hard, but Carnistir was not one to fall to the ground easily. He advanced on his cousin, intending to show him some respect, but suddenly rivers of fire came over them and took Aikánaro away. 

“Aiko!”

Carnistir rushed forward, oblivious to the heat, to the flames burning him. Aikánaro would die! He could not allow it to happen! With a last effort, Carnistir managed to grab his cousin’s hand and pulled him out of the river of fire. 

“Carnistir…”

“Hush, Aiko. Save your strength.”

“I can’t… I love you…”

“Aiko, open your eyes. Look at me, please! Aiko!”

“Caranthir!”

“Aiko…”

Silence. 

Caranthir opened his eyes. “Brellas…?”

“You were screaming.”

Carnistir froze. 

“You were calling for your cousin.”

Was that anger in Brellas’ eyes?

“I was dreaming of his death in a river of fire…”

Brellas’ expression softened, “But he is safe, isn’t he?”

“For now, but who knows what the future will bring. We came to war, and it has taken so much from us. I am sorry I woke you up, Brellas.”

“It was not on purpose and my quarters are close. Will you be all right now?”

Only then did Carnistir realize that his hands were shaking. He grabbed the blanket and nodded. “I will be. Go rest, Brellas. I will try not to wake you up again.”

“It is almost dawn,” Brellas said. “I will bring you some tea.”

As always, Brellas ignored Carnistir’s protest and left the room. Carnistir slid his feet to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He would have to send a message to Findaráto, and tell him about his dream. Carnistir had never before dreamed of the future, and he hoped it stayed that way. Aikánaro could not die, not him, even if they would never be together again.


	5. Chapter 5

_Darkness falling_

Carnistir continued having nightmares every night, no longer about Aikánaro, but about his brothers and cousins. There was always fire in them, ships burning, rivers of fire scorching the land, the earth breaking and claiming the Elves in its bosom. Finwë was always in his dreams. Was his grandfather e trying to communicate with him?

The lack of rest was making Carnistir’s temper flare at the slightest provocation, and only Herenmo’s and Brellas’ presence had stopped him from saying the unforgivable to the chief of a new trading party of Dwarves who wouldn’t agree to his terms. 

Something was going on, and Carnistir needed to figure it out before all the work he had done to make his realm safe was lost. He was in charge, and so he could not afford weakness.

After ten days of sleeping badly, Carnistir took Dark Star and left Lake Helevorn, riding alone northeast in the general direction of Angband. He was not planning to break the siege and reach Morgoth’s stronghold. All he wanted was to be alone and think. He had ordered Haston to stay in Lake Helevorn.

_“I’m not planning to ride to Angband, and there are guards on our frontier,” Carnistir told his captain, when he suggested an escort. “Take care of the realm, Haston. I will be back in a few days._

_For the first time since they came to Thargelion, Carnistir could see that his captain disagreed with him. “As you wish, my Lord.”_

_“Can you at least tell us when you will be back?” Herenmo had asked._

_“When I am done.”_

_Herenmo left, muttering something about stubbornness and rashness. Carnistir chose to ignore his chief counselor’s words._

_“Are you out of your Fëanorian mind?”_

_“That’s enough, Brellas. And do not follow me!”_

_“I do not receive orders from you, Caranthir!”_

_“You do, as part of my council. Unless you wish to resign?”_

_Brellas looked mutinous, but eventually he turned away and left._

Carnistir had finally manage to break away from his staff and friends, and so now he was riding free of any other concern but whatever was happening I his mind. He could not afford any weakness in himself when so many people depended on him. He had to fix himself somehow.

His mind started to clear as soon as he passed through the last of the guards that guarded his realm. Carnistir was now in the area that Noldor and Sindar guarded together. That would be the last ring of protection before he entered into the lands nearest to the Siege’s frontier. 

Carnistir dismounted near a creek, and filled his canteen before letting Dark Star drink freely. There was a copse nearby, no tall trees in this area. Carnistir set up his tent, and prepared himself something to eat. Dark Star grazed on what he found, but Carnistir had also brought food for his horse. The day was cold, and there were dark clouds in the distance, but otherwise it was a nice spot to rest and try to keep his mind under control. 

He had sent a message to Findaráto about his dream, and another message to Maitimo. Carnistir had never dreamed about the future, but it was better to be prepared for anything. He hoped that Findaráto kept the part about Aikánaro’s visit when he told Nolofinwë. There was no need to tell his uncle about it. Not even Findaráto knew that Carnistir and Aikánaro had been lovers in Tirion.

The sun finally went down and Carnistir found himself unable to keep his eyes open. An otherworldly atmosphere was slowly surrounding him as darkness fell. Dark Star was close, but not a noise came from him. Carnistir wondered if he would have a new nightmare, or something worse, but he was determined to find the underlying cause of this.


	6. Chapter 6

_“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.”_

_Mahatma Ghandi_

 

There was silence, and darkness all around him, and when Carnistir rose from the ground he was no longer in Thargelion but standing in front of the Halls of Mandos. He had been there more than once while he was a young Elf in the Blessed Lands, but what was the meaning of this? Was he dead and Lord Námo had called him? 

If so, he never heard the summons.

Brellas would be upset.

Impossible! This was a dream or a vision. Carnistir knew it, and yet he could not stop himself and walk toward the Halls. The huge doors opened and he came inside, and a tall figure emerged from the shadows.

“Lord Námo.”

“We meet again, Morifinwë.”

“I’m not dead.”

“You are not, but great dangers lurks you all in Endorë.”

“The Doom you pronounced will follow us wherever we go.”

“And so will the Oath you took.”

“Why am I here, Lord Námo?”

“Because your gift torments you.”

“Why would you care, my lord?”

“Because I care, even if you will not believe me now. We have been able to sense each other since you were a child?”

“And why is that, Lord Námo? You never told me.”

“Eru forbade me to tell you the reason. It would interfere with your path.”

“Are you not interfering with my ‘path’ now?”

“I am here to help you build stronger mental shields.”

Carnsitir froze. “Is Morgoth sending me these nightmares then?”

“Not him, but he has corrupted Maiar at his side, and they are trying to find the weakness if every one of you. Morifinwë, you must warn your brothers are allies. The Siege will be broken eventually.”

“When?”

“Eru has not given me that information.”

“Is this a game for Eru, then? Is The One playing with all of us?”

“Stop! Not even us, Valar, understand Eru’s reasons or knowledge; so do not rage against The One.”

Carrnistir closed his eyes and managed, somehow, to control his temper. “Teach me then, Lord Námo. I must be strong enough to protect my people and defeat Morgoth one day.”

Námo’s eyes were sad, but he placed his hands on the sides of Carnistir’s head and little by little opened his own mind, knowledge and strength passing into Carnistir’s until he could no longer stand by himself.

_Strange, I am dreaming._

“Rest now, Morifinwë,” Námo said, and helped Carnistir to lie down on the ground. 

The sun was going up when Carnistir managed to climb out of his dream or vision with a rested body and clear mind. Aikánaro was sitting beside him.

“What are you doing here?”

Aikánaro smiled. “And Brellas was worried for you.”

Of course, Brellas would so something like this. Carnistir would have to restrict his counselor’s access to the pigeons. His staff knew that they could use them only in case of emergencies.

“I am fine.”

“Hmm.”

A delicious smell made Carnistir’s stomach sound. “You made breakfast.”

“I thought you would be hungry. I am.”

Aikánaro was sitting there, looking at him with calm eyes. Carnistir could not decide if there was love in them too, but there was warmth and for now that was enough.”

“Thank you, Aiko.” He sat in front of his cousin, and they stated to eat in silence. He would tell Aikánaro about his last dream later. For now, all he wanted was to spend a calm moment with him.

* * *

Please note that I do not give permission to anyone to translate or remix my stories. This is not negotiable.


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